Post by KAYLEE ANN DELEON on Aug 15, 2011 0:10:36 GMT -5
i haven't been as depressed as usual, but maybe that's the new pills i've been getting from my brother's stash. they do help numb the pain, i'll have to admit. But is it bad I do them alone? I sit on my balcony and just lay there on my favorite blanket, the blanket that me and... him used to always just... cuddle on and look up at the stars. i like to just lie there at night, high and just stare up at the sky. it's different doing it alone, but the pills make it worth wild. it's like the stars are telling me a story, a story that distracts me and just takes me to another place. I've been neglecting school work and missing more days of school lately, what's happening to me? Sometimes when I look into the mirror I don't even recognize myself. No, it isn't my new hair color. it's... a different thing inside of me, like... some sort of toxic. i don't know if it's breaking me down slowly or helping me get over his death. I haven't truly allowed myself to deal with the loss of him, at least i don't think so. i haven't let myself truly cry and break down, i hold everything in. and i can't dare to talk about it. god, i miss him so much. but i just... i can't... i haven't even seen his mother since the funeral and i had told her i'd visit as much as i could. but honestly? I'm so scared. I know the moment I walk down his street... the moment i look at his house.... the window to his room... i'm just going to lose it. i don't know what to do. ugh, i can't think about this, i need to go pay Kaleb a visit.
